THE San Francisco Giants Blog

Michael Pineda is the Dumbest Baseball Player of All Time

Posted in Uncategorized by Flavor on April 23, 2014

I’m having a hard time processing just how dumb Michael Pineda might be. Does an IQ score result ever go negative? Cause it should, at least when it comes to this dipstick.

To review, Pineda gets busted on April 10th with a hand full of pine tar on his HAND. No big deal, he didn’t get caught during the game, but the pics and the video were clear in their rendering. No harm, no foul, no one seemed to really care, just don’t do it again or at least don’t put in in the same exposed spot again.

Two weeks go by, he’s now playing the same team. But instead of slathering his palm with it, Pineda (and I just want to point out the hilarity of the first 4 letters of his name)….decides to trick everyone by….wait for it….slathering the pine tar on his neck!

This was a brilliant idea that Pineda posited to himself without peers nearby to offer corrective feedback—–no one would ever think to check if it was on his NECK since the last time he cheated he put it on his PALM. Different exposed body part = no one will ever know. The neck and the palm are so far away from each other, he bemused quietly to himself, this was the plan which promised to be his best and greatest one yet…..

And I can only imagine the scene in the dugout pre-game. These guys are all 3 feet from each other. Did dipshit Girardi ever think to mention to PINEada how stupid it was to dumb a gallon of pine tar on his neck? Did the pitching coach say anything? Did Brian McCann bother to say, without laughing, “Bro, come on now….”

The stupid, half cocked way he wears his hat is reason enough to eject him—or at least ballpark his low, LOW IQ….

I’m thinking that before his next start he takes a shower and replaces the water with pine tar. This dude is a freaking genius, what could possibly go wrong?

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  1. unca_chuck said, on April 23, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    Michael Pine-duh . . .

  2. James said, on April 23, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    I missed this at the time:

    http://www.realclearsports.com/lists/Top_10_Dumbest_SelfInflicted_Injuries/joel_zumaya.html?state=stop

    If I had a 104 mph fastball, I would have been able to dispense with any rock star fantasies.

  3. James said, on April 23, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    The story about Glenallen Hill is pretty damn funny, too.

  4. James said, on April 23, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    Here again are some data that will set you free:

    Atlanta (14-7 record) 79 scored, 53 allowed
    Milwaukee (16-6 record) 91 scored, 70 allowed
    LA (13-9 record) 88 scored, 78 allowed

    Those are the first place teams. And your second place Giants at 12-10 with 93 runs scored and 89 given up.

    Note how the ratio of runs scored to runs allowed generally reflects the records of each team.

    Cain 4.35 ERA, 2013 ERA 4.00
    Lincecum 6.43 ERA, 2013 ERA 4.37
    Vogelsong 7.71 ERA, 2013 ERA 5.73

    • unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:11 am

      Again, winning one game 10-0 and losing two 1-0 games isn’t a good thing. No matter what the stats say.

      • James said, on April 24, 2014 at 7:19 am

        No, not a good thing and frustrating as hell to watch as a fan.

        It’s also completely irrelevant for making any judgements about the quality of a team’s pitching or hitting, especially the larger your sample size, like say a full season. At game 22, the data clearly show that the Giants have given up too many runs and project to be a 500 team as a result of mediocre pitching.

        Here’s another thought experiment: Over a season, let’s say Team A and Team B both score 700 runs and give up 650. Team A wins 3 more games than B. The difference between those 2 teams’ final records isn’t going to be attributable to some collective ability of Team A to spread their runs out better to “support” their pitching. It’s luck.

  5. zumiee said, on April 23, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    A Phillies broadcaster showing more ignorance than dumbness, I think….
    One of the answers to their broadcast’s trivia question was Don Newcombe, and the analyst said “I don’t know who that is.” The play-by-play guy was startled by that (and so was I.) The play-by-play guy awkwardly tried to explain who Newcombe was to the other guy, but the other guy wasn’t particularly interested. I have no idea who the two broadcasters are. How does the analyst not know who Don Newcombe is? The analyst’s CAREER is baseball!

    • DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 4:31 am

      It’s not that shocking, Zumiee. Obama probably thinks Zachary Taylor is a linebacker for the Bears.

      • Nipper said, on April 24, 2014 at 5:26 am

        Hey what’s the price of a carton of milk? That stumped Bush once.once.

  6. Flavor said, on April 24, 2014 at 6:51 am

    Loo, Pawlie, Mac and anyone else in the NY area— what are people on the street saying about this chump?

  7. James said, on April 24, 2014 at 7:26 am

    “Even Yankees manager Joe Girardi and general manager Brian Cashman said Pineda forced the hand of Red Sox manager John Farrell, who said before the game he expected Pineda to be more “discreet” this time.”

    John Farrell gets some laugh points for that.

  8. willedav said, on April 24, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Girardi’s excuse was it happened, “Unknown to us.” What? Then he says the kids wasn’t trying to cheat.
    Hello? He got raked in the first inning for 4 hits and 2 runs and G says he couldn’t grip the ball. Did it bother Lackey? Even Cashman said something about it, and supposedly mgmt. said something to him about it after the other game.

    Sorry I missed yesterday game, tho it’s awful to look at Cain’s line and the ERA James posted. Pagan admits to soreness in knee that won’t go away…hmmn, that has to get dealt with, like now.

    Listening to Woodson on way home he said Sanchez had been cramping up, and that Hicks had volunteered to C if needed. Also, before he went to break a caller had complained about too much rest for Posey and bochy lack of adjustments (like small ball) when LU is struggling. Woodson palmed it off with the 2 WS past record, saying Boch knows what he is doing. Then as he went to endless commercials played the instrumental part of “Papa Was a Rolling Stone”. Man hadn’t heard that one in a long time, great cut.

    • James said, on April 24, 2014 at 7:48 am

      One of the longer Top 40 songs ever, even the truncated for AM airplay version.

  9. James said, on April 24, 2014 at 7:56 am

    The Giants have now hit 27 HRs. I do not think we’ll be seeing much small ball this year, and I for one am pretty happy about that.

    Nice recovery by Hicks, too, who Zumie has been touting. He should be out there every day until his OPS drops below 700 long enough to dismiss him.

  10. willedav said, on April 24, 2014 at 8:45 am

    I think guys here are right about leaving Morse in longer. Coors is a big OF so that’s a little different, but his bat in middle of LU is making a difference. Let him have that last AB and if you want, PR for him with Blanco or Perez. Love the LDs to opposite field and the power he has there.
    If he stays healthy and continues to rake he’ll be quite a steal for Sabes in this day and age of diminished offense and $130 mil contracts.

    • stickman said, on April 24, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      Bochy needs to be more flexible about when he pulls Morse. Needles to say, a one or even two-run lead in Coors is not the occasion to weaken the thunder to better the D. That may also hold true in bandbox stadiums like Cincinnati and Chicago.

  11. Alleykat said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:51 am

    The D-Backs Mark Trumbo goes on the DL with a stress fracture, oh how fast will the D-Backs fall..
    And they called up our own Special K Strikeout King Roger Kiesnick to replace him LOL

    • blade3colorado said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:59 am

      AK, I got rid of his sorry ass via a trade a few weeks ago . . . I knew either performance and/or injury would happen with him (actually, his performance went downhill after the first week and a half of the season).

    • snarkk said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:59 am

      Wow, Kieschnick to the rescue?…

    • blade3colorado said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:08 am

      By the by, Trumbo missed almost six months with a stress fracture in his right foot in 2011, but he told reporters that this one doesn’t feel as bad. Hilarious. Also, I doubt Kiesnick takes Trumbo’s playing time, i.e., Cody Ross stands to get the significant boost on the field. Kiesnick will only be a utility player on the roster.

  12. Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Whatever the suspension is for Pineda, double it for stupidity. Fucking dumbass.

    RE: James’s 7:56…I agree. I have been saying that Hicks should get most of the playing time at 2nd. You have to give the bench guys a start here-and-there, and that’s cool, but agree that Hicks should be the “everyday” guy there.

    I get the trends too on runs scored, etc., and would only say, as I did in relation to the lack of offense the past couple of days…it is only fricking April. Check back on all this shit in a couple of months, and there may be some more relevant trends.

    Will be interesting to see if Los Tiburones can close the deal tonight against the Kings. Also if the Dubs can hold home court advantage against the Clips. BEAT LA!

  13. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Curry and Thompson are going to have to light it up for the Dubs to stand a chance. Plus some early foul trouble for the big flopper would help. O’Neal is a great story, but he won’t last against Griffin. Interesting thing was the Dubs started doubling Griffin late in game 2 and it worked for a while. It can work again if Iggy/Lee/O’Neal aren’t getting called for fouls all the time.

    Yeah, everything averages out to the mean. That’s why they call them averages. It still doesn’t address trends. Like Posey last year. His season numbers look fine but it doesn’t take into account that he tanked for 2/3 of the season, while he lit it up early. Pence on the other hand was stuck on 70 RBI for 2 months before catching on fire in September.

    • Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Posey hasn’t been in the league long enough to call that a trend. Not being an apologist but look at the body of work. He is hitting .304 lifetime with an .858 OPS…averaging 22 bombs and 93 RBI.

    • James said, on April 24, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      Chuck, let’s say you have 3 full time position players each with an OPS of 800 at the end of the season. One of them produces a 900 OPS the first half, 700 the second, another is at 800 all year long, and another is at 700 first half and 900 the second half. The first player is not making less of a contribution to your final W-L record than the other two.

      • Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 2:19 pm

        Good analogy, James.

      • DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 2:49 pm

        That’s only true in a vacuum, James.

  14. willedav said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Tribe and Pads (owe those guys a couple for last weekend) aren’t anything special. I’d like to see SF get back to romping at home by holding down opposition scoring, unlike last year when they dropped series to chump teams with regularity. After the homestand comes 10 on the road including 4 more in LaLa land.
    Supposed to be *pitching weather* as Kruk puts it by tmw night for Hudson, then Lincecum goes during daytime Saturday.

    • stickman said, on April 24, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Is it going out on a long, trembling limb to project a fair to partly middling start for Vogelsong on Sunday? Who knows, he could do okay and keep us in suspense for awhile longer. A bad start and he looks to be on his last legs as a member of the SF rotation.

      Giants need to take four of six in the upcoming homestand. That would even out their record vs the just finished road-trip. Importance of the series comes into clear view if you take a brief gander at that May schedule ~ likely the most challenging of the season. Looking at it, i’d not be disappointed with a .500 record for that month. On the other hand if both offense and rotation can gear into synchromesh we could be looking a a fun month. Much will depend on Posey busting out.

      • Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 2:26 pm

        Vogey, even if he bombs, will get a bit of a longer leash. Even if he does bomb on Sunday, I don’t see Bochy and Sabes making a change at that point.

        Yes, May is going to be a tough month. I too would be happy with a .500 record (on the road). ;-) Actually, with that schedule, .500 overall might not be bad. Just win your home series and play .500 ball on the road, and all is good.

        And I totally disagree with your final sentence. WTF is it with you guys putting the lot of the problems on Posey. He is one fucking guy of 9 starters. Sure, he is the past MVP, guy getting the big bucks, face of the franchise…and he need to carry his portion of the load. But he IS not the be-all-end-all to the Giants’ success. What the fuck about Pablo? Mr. WS MVP? Pence is coming around, but he needs to keep going in that direction. There are a lot of areas (starting pitching comes to mind, too) in which the team needs to improve to be contenders for the long haul.

  15. zumiee said, on April 24, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Throwback Thursday video clip: Jack Clark hits an HR at the ‘Stick in his rookie season.

    • Flavor said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      awesome clip. Thanks for finding this.

      • DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 5:41 pm

        He does look damn good in that uniform…

  16. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Gawd, that astroturf was hideous.

  17. Alleykat said, on April 24, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Didn’t Pineda consult with Gaylord Perry first?
    He was the master of concealment…

  18. Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 11:31 am

    Zumie shared a piece on ballparks yesterday that was interesting. Here is an article from today’s Chron that talks about Bay Area ballparks/stadiums that never got built.

    http://tinyurl.com/mzwez4m

  19. twinfan1 said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    I have a new post, take a gander. No subject, just say what you want about anything at all.

    http://tinyurl.com/mogajgn

    • Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      Good to see you, Twin. Wish you would come around and hang out here more often.

  20. pawliekokonuts said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    I don’t know what the talk here is/was on PINEda. One local radio show last night was talking about the NFL schedule and what it might mean for the Jets and Bills. The NFL network put on a 3-hour show on the SCHEDULE — but the sad thing is that, the radio guys claimed, it would trump all baseball TV ratings, all NHL, and all NBA except the Heat.

    I was not able to get online for much of yesterday’s exciting game, but Macdog and Sam P. kept me posted. Man, that reminded me of some of the Rockies games of 2010 and before. At one point in the game, Cain’s BA was the highest we had for any guy out there. And I feel bad for Blanco’s o for 5 collar. Not good omen. BUT WE WON. Epic.

    Any word on Pagan’s knee?

  21. pawliekokonuts said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    At a college coffee shop I just saw perhaps the roundest bubble butt (female) in the history of Western civilization. She was tiny, wearing stretch pants. Maybe she added Botox to her posterior, I don’t know. And maybe my staring was slightly ill-considered but not illegal. Mea maxima culpa.

  22. Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    All hail the bubble butts!

  23. Alleykat said, on April 24, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Baseball’s such a joke, they gave Pineda a 10 game suspension!
    Pineda said, I’m sorry I made a mistake( duh no shit dumbshit)
    “I gave up a couple runs in the 1st and I had no control with the ball, and I didn’t want to hit guys, so I put the pine tar on my neck”
    This doofus is a total disgrace to the game.

  24. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    10 games = 1 missed turn.

  25. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    Flav, sent ya an emai . . .

  26. Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    This will be a repeat (cannot edit from work), and was/is listed in response to stickman’s 2:01 post:

    ======================================

    Vogey, even if he bombs, will get a bit of a longer leash. Even if he does bomb on Sunday, I don’t see Bochy and Sabes making a change at that point.

    Yes, May is going to be a tough month. I too would be happy with a .500 record (on the road). ;-) Actually, with that schedule, .500 overall might not be bad. Just win your home series and play .500 ball on the road, and all is good.

    And I totally disagree with your final sentence. WTF is it with you guys putting the lot of the problems on Posey. He is one fucking guy of 9 starters. Sure, he is the past MVP, guy getting the big bucks, face of the franchise…and he need to carry his portion of the load. But he IS not the be-all-end-all to the Giants’ success. What the fuck about Pablo? Mr. WS MVP? Pence is coming around, but he needs to keep going in that direction. There are a lot of areas (starting pitching comes to mind, too) in which the team needs to improve to be contenders for the long haul.

  27. Macdog said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Hey Flav, I’ve been dealing with a major forest fire not too far from our home today. They’ve got it about 30 percent contained, so it looks like it won’t reach our way.

    To answer your 6:51 a.m.: Best I can tell, the consensus is Pineda is a fucking idiot.

    • Flavor said, on April 24, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      Sorry to hear about this, Mac. Bozo feels your pain, he’s a regular at absorbing blows like this. I hope everything works out and that you and your family and your home stay safe.

  28. Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    Mac – good luck with the fire…hopefully it does not reach you, and it get’s fully controlled ASAP.

  29. DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    No one has said a word to me yet today. Not even hello.

    • zumiee said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Hello, Loo!

      Hey, I disagree with you; I’m sure Obama knows who Zachary Taylor was.
      Although Taylor’s presidency was not very memorable. The most memorable thing about it was that he died while he was president, from drinking contaminated milk.

      • stickman said, on April 25, 2014 at 9:37 am

        Word on the street is that Taylor’s strawberries and milk contained beaucoup arsenic. Seems old Zach was working in opposition to the English central banksters.

    • Flavor said, on April 24, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      Loo, I’m always saying hi to you and Buzz Saw. See, I remembered his name!

  30. Chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Hey Loo – what’s shaking on the right coast?

  31. zumiee said, on April 24, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    Chi, thanks for the link about the ‘Bay Area ballparks never built.’ That’s an interesting alternate history of what could have been, the good and the bad.

  32. blade3colorado said, on April 24, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Hi Lou (the other one).

  33. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Helloooooooooooo

  34. chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Awesome game going on between the Queens and Sharks. Dubs had a nice run to finish the first half…will be bouncing back-and-forth between the two. Excited as hell about hitting the Giants’ game tomorrow night with some of the Flap brothers.

    Go Sharks! Go Dubs! BEAT LA!

  35. chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    Damn – away for a few minutes and both of these games went south. Thankfully there is a lot of game left to be played in each…

  36. sansabes said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    W’s won’t win another game.

    • chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:45 pm

      Wrong answer…

  37. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    Is Blake Griffin the biggest pussy in the league? What a fucking tool. If they call a flagrant on that, why not a T for bad acting? If I’m O’Neal or Green, I fucking go extra hard and make sure the flagrant is legit.I elbow his teeth down his throat.

    That was all ball., BTW.

  38. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Dubs look a little better with Piss Crawl on the bench.

  39. chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    I agree Charlie…fuck Blake Griffin. I can’t stand that asshole…I don’t care how good the dude can ball. Would love to see O’Neal knock his ass into the next county…or maybe out to Alcatraz…

  40. chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Sharks are done tonight. 5-2 with 11:11 to play. Screw the Queens…get ‘em next time Tiburones! Dubs within 9 with 7 and a half to play. They could still make a run here….

  41. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    Criminy. The Dubs can’t shoot for shit, but they are somehow in this.

  42. Macdog said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Dubs trying to make a heckuva comeback. Just an observation from someone who doesn’t see many of their games: Do they always jack up 3’s with 20 seconds left on the shot clock? Everything seems to be rush, rush, rush. Or do they thrive in this kind of chaotic pace?

    • unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      They do it more often than they should. They actually have a pretty good interior game when they want to. Course losing Bogut hurts that, but most of their scoring tonight has been inside.

  43. DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Adrianza sent down. Dusty Rhodes activated for Indian series. I like this move…

  44. Macdog said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    There has been some nice passing inside. Curry only 9 shots now with 1:38 left, though he’s got 15 assists.

    Hey, Phils up 5-3 on Bums in 9th.

    • DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:26 pm

      If only they could have won the nightcap of that doubleheader on the last day of the 1966 season…

  45. DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Miller came out with a new beer called “Fortune”. Alcohol: 6.9%
    Highly recommend with 20mg. Valium.

  46. Macdog said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Wow, two sick 3’s by Curry.

  47. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Holy shit,.

  48. sansabes said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Love to proven wrong here. Helluva comeback.

  49. Macdog said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Philly 7-3. Wilson gave up 2 runs in 9th before getting pulled with bases loaded and one out, and now charged with 4 runs overall.

  50. chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    Fuck the Clippers. Dubs made it very interesting with a chance to win at the horn. Dubs will win the next one….just for sansabie…

  51. unca_chuck said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Damn. Not much of a look for Curry there,

  52. chipower9 said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Night Flappers…make it an awesome Friday. Looking forward to seeing some of you Yahoos tomorrow at the Giants game. Orange and Black Forever – Go Giants!

  53. DJLoo said, on April 24, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    We need an east coast Flapalooza…

    • Chipower9 said, on April 25, 2014 at 8:58 am

      I would love to do an East coast Flapalooza. I have never been to NYC. Time it with a series against the Mets (last year would have been prime with series against the Mets and YankMees in the same week).

      Would definitely have to hit Finnigans, etc. Certainly one of my bucket item things…to get back there for a Giants game…and a Flapalooza would be a must (there are enough of you guys on the right coast that it would be awesome).

  54. James said, on April 24, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    “That’s only true in a vacuum, James.”

    Loo, one argument that hasn’t been used explicitly to counter my bullshit is that it’s not a zero sum game, that success could beget further success. Unfortunately, Timmy would not have been any less hittable if Pence had gotten really hot in July instead of September last year. And Hunter Pence is not a 900 OPS hitter.

  55. zumiee said, on April 25, 2014 at 3:01 am

    Brian Wilson’s ERA is now 15.75, as he took the loss against the Phils.

    The Dodger broadcast showed some of the Dodgers goofing around in the dugout throughout the game, as if the game itself were an after-thought. They really are an unlikable team, even if they weren’t the Dodgers.

    • DJLoo said, on April 25, 2014 at 6:04 am

      I wonder if doctors goof around during an operation. The patient is unconscious – who knows what’s going on in there?

      • Nipper said, on April 25, 2014 at 7:48 am

        They can’t wait to get their hands on you, LOO I’m sure.

      • snarkk said, on April 25, 2014 at 8:19 am

        According to St. Elsewhere, it’s definitely better that you’re unconscious when on the operating table…

      • dirtnrocksnomo said, on April 25, 2014 at 8:39 am

        I once woke up in the middle of an operation. It was an off the hook house party up in that OR.

  56. Chipower9 said, on April 25, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Tom, Micah, and all – replied to the last email re: tonight’s game+. I should be in the City early today. My son and I will be on the road around 1:30 (leaving Folsom)…should put me at the park (Public House, etc.) around 4ish. It will be 5 somewhere and I will be ready for a cold one…

    • dirtnrocksnomo said, on April 25, 2014 at 9:10 am

      Sounds good man. I’ll probably be up around that time too. I agree with your that they’ll likely get the game in. Just wanted to let the out of town folks know.

  57. zumiee said, on April 25, 2014 at 9:52 am

    New thread.


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