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Baseball. Satan’s Game

Posted in Uncategorized by tedspe on September 18, 2012

Perhaps ya’ll don’t believe in God or Satan. No problem. I’m a borderline athiest myself. Often called an agnostic. Which kind of comes off as a pussy not willing to make a committment one way or the other. But baseball? Of all things it makes me believe, in the least, of a higher being.

All sports are always iffy game to game. But baseball holds not only a legacy stronger than any other sport in America but a passion amongst its fans that closely embraces a religion. Granted, the “Religion of Baseball” was already discussed in the film BULL DURHAM, but I’m going different than that.
Or not. We’ll see.
See, baseball is the weirdest sport based on the odd qualities or lack thereof that still allows something along of excellence in their sport. Gentlemen exceed in this sport who have the physical ability to barely get out of the fucking bullpen after their fourth beer and seventh chicken wing to come in and get that save. GOTSTA be a deal with the devil. And we love, or at the very least, respect these creatures that would be more than welcome to the Gates of Hell (for those of ya’ll that enlist in the qualifications). Historically Ty Cobb was a wiry, talented, outstanding baseball superstar but, no question, would have fought with General Lee’s side in the 1860’s. Babe Ruth was a fat fucking tub of goo who hit more HR’s personally than other teams, repeat, entire teams in any given year. The Black Sox Remember them?
Baseball kept blacks out as long as forever and only allowed hispanics in if their skin was slightly…paler.
Bennies. Pete Rose. Pine par. The steroid era, for lack of a better term, created more possible villians than any time in the greatest statistical period in the game’s history.

And yet, we still… watch, follow, live and die on a day to day basis for our boys of summer.
Meanwhile…Satan laughs away.

Baseball is Satan’s favorite sport. Satan, at least once in his quarterly lunch meeting with God…brings up baseball.
With Satan, as usual, constantly touting the fucking Yankees.

And God always ended the meetings with a smirk. Though it was just a touch different at their first lunch in 2011.

God said “Sorry, Scratch. Coudn’t help it. I know your second favorite city has always been San Francisco. For all the wrong, stupid reasons. Well..it’s alway been my favorite city. For all the rightious reasons. I was just fucking with you all this time.”
And God downed his glass of pinot noir, winked, grabbed his fedora and said, while lighting his Cuban, “I’ll give ya 2011. See ya in 2012”

54 Responses

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  1. Flavor said, on September 18, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I enjoyed this, though if pressed I couldn’t tell you why–and I’m not understanding the 2011 reference, but maybe I just need a cup of coffee.
    If you want evidence of Satan’s work (or God’s, take your pick) go click on the Flap Fantasy Baseball Standings…..Edd, on September 18th 2012, has taken over first place………

    • eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 6:38 am

      We should have a poll: is this evidence of God or Satan. And see how it goes.
      BTW, BladeRunners fell, Bombers stayed at zero. hehe

      • blade3colorado said, on September 18, 2012 at 6:56 am

        Ya goin’ down sucker! There’s not a man alive who can whup me. I’m too fast. I’m too smart. I’m too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That’s the only way I’ll ever get licked.

        If you dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize. 🙂

  2. Flavor said, on September 18, 2012 at 6:33 am

    I hope you guys can see the magic number photo— that is THE San Dawg wearing his usual gear at the game we went to.

    • eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 6:39 am

      great shot, we did not see this one before.

      • Flavor said, on September 18, 2012 at 7:43 am

        I had to pull it off the old blog, which is now dead. I wasn’t sure if the link was still good or not

  3. eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I believe in the baseball Gods, when I see the way the universe is constructed I cannot help but believe that baseball is a reflection of all that exists. 9 players on a team? Four bases like the compass? Slow steady progression over 9 innings? Home v Away? Angels in the outfield? It just doesn’t make sense unless it is a work of a higher power. Baseball has a season and works with people. Works magic, mystery and wonder. Works on the radio, works on national TV, works at local parks and works in your backyard. Plus when you drop your kid off for after school sports you have plenty of time to get off and do what needs doing before you need to be back.
    baseball is a game of freedom.
    what is not to love?

  4. willedav said, on September 18, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I hope X can hold down the fort in LF. I’m also amazed that Nate McLouth is back and raking for the Orioles. He was basically run out of the NL after about one good season with Pirates, but has had a couple GWRBIs for O’s and started last night W with a lead off HR to open the game, his 4th since they signed him.
    I think Snarkk has a point about bochy and the l/r stuff. Last night Casilla had thrown only 16 pitches and was doing very well. Using both Lopez and Romo (who wound up facing a lefty anyway in Giambi) to get one out each, with Affeldt warming up, seems like overkill to me. Obviously getting them warmed up at all increases workload. I thought Casilla could have gotten a shot to end it himself and maybe save wear and tear on the others. Can you do it this way in the playoffs, given how SPs have been performing?
    My only thought is that bochy really wants to nail everything down and clinch ASAP, and that by having each guy throw fewer pitches in a game he is able to use them more often. He’s the boss. My Dad worked for a guy a long time who had a sign in his office that said, “The boss may not always be right, but he is always the boss.”

    • Nipper said, on September 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

      Willie D would make a good boss.

  5. Flavor said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:00 am

    At the time I took the photo more than 2 yrs ago I didn’t know why or how it would ever be used or viewed again–and then today happened. Haad Forever!!!!!

  6. zumiee said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:23 am

    The A’s are a great story, but I have to admit I haven’t been following it much. Susan Slusser was on KNBR this morning talking about the team, and I had never heard of about half the players she was talking about.

  7. zumiee said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Ted, as usual what you posted is very entertaining, and always has a keen insight at its core. Baseball is a game that is uniquely frustrating. It just feels that way, more so than other sports. Like last night, when the Giants couldn’t get another run in with runners on 1st and 3rd, with no out. Of all the sports, baseball is TORTURE. Yet…..the thrills of the game are so awesome and overpowering. Baseball is more similar to climbing Mt. Everest than anything else. And why do we climb Mt. Everest?! Because it’s there! Baseball is there! Everyday! All through the Spring, Summer, and into the Fall, frustrating us, intriguing us, fascinating us, entertaining us, and somehow meaning a lot more to us than it should on the surface.
    But as Neil Young sang: “There’s more to the picture than meets the eye…..”
    And to paraphrase Neil: “Baseball can never die.”
    And some of the 2010 team members burned out in the process of giving us a championship, because it was better to do that than rust away…..

    • TedSpe said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:37 am

      hey, hey, my my. Thanks zumiee. It just came to me as I was thinking about the cliche “The Gods of baseball”

  8. Bozo said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:34 am

    And here I always thought the big guy was a bowler (USA style, edd). Yup, chugging his Pinot from a box and with his stogie clenched in his teeth, going for a Turkey. Now the Satan dude I always pegged for a Table Tennis kinda guy (Ping Pong, to the uncivilized). Just watching the spectators moving their heads back and forth as though they needed an Exorcist.

    Man, was I way off. They turn out to just be a couple of guys betting on the WS. Thanks for the fact check, Ted.

  9. wswin said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I wonder what that guy, firesabeannow changed his handle to so he could continue to blog…

    • Nipper said, on September 18, 2012 at 11:38 am


      • wswin said, on September 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm


  10. twinfan1 said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Bochy’s thinking on pen usage was totally sound, as usual. Looking at Casilla’s game logs, he’s gone 2 innings twice this year, never more. We’ve heard about Bonehead supposedly overusing the pen all year, and the charge has been wrong all year. The pen has thrown the 3rd fewest innings in the NL, is tied for the most saves, and is second in save percentage. I’ll trust Bochy on this.

    • Nipper said, on September 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

      In Bochy we trust.

  11. Macdog said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Off this thread, I expect a big game tonight from Angel Pagan.

  12. unca_chuck said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Shit, I prefer Romo pitching to lefties . . . for no particular reason other than his frisbee slider to righties is usually rocketed to heaven when he misses with it.

    • twinfan1 said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:55 am

      True- and lefties hit under .200 against Romo. Convesely, RHers hit over .400 against Lopez.

  13. snarkk said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Satan is that little fat fuck wearing a Dodgers uni that uses F-bombs like jelly beans and has the power to simultaneously hawk Ultra SlimFast and inhale a plate of linguini in clam sauce…

  14. Salty said, on September 18, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Brandon Crawford, Gold Glove winner? Amazing that he’s a strong candidate after his troubles early on both offensively and defensively.

  15. PawlieKokonuts said, on September 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

    C.S. Lewis meets Bart Giamatti meets Hans Kung meets Soren Kierkegaard meets William Faulkner. Thanks, Ted. Anyone who talks about God and Satan and baseball adds new meaning to Sacrifice Fly. (I have no idea what any of this means.)

  16. eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    both NY games rained out.

  17. demp28 said, on September 18, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    On this date 15 years ago, I, along with about 52,000 fans, witnessed Brian Johnson’s shot heard ’round the Bay Area as the Giants pulled into a tie for first place with the hated Bums.
    Those were the Baseball Gods at work as the Giants would go from worst to first that year.
    The Gods spoke to our Giants in 2010.
    Satan made an ill advised visit to home plate on May 25th of last year.
    The Gods have returned this year. A cautiously optimistic path to the Promised Land to hold The Holy Grail once again.

    • zumiee said, on September 18, 2012 at 2:31 pm

      I have to admit that, until I saw it talked about on this blog a year or two ago, I had completely forgotten about that homerun. I vaguely remember the Giants flopping in the playoffs against the Marlins, but that’s about all I remember of that season.

  18. SanDawg said, on September 18, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Hey Willie—how would you like to step in take the charge here?
    lonnie shelton

    • willedav said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:06 pm

      impressive…note that comment below “had several fights with buck williams….” oh man, you take on buck williams you better be a tough customer.

  19. twinfan1 said, on September 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    It’s the usual Lincecum LU, and Nady in LF.

  20. Bozo said, on September 18, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Bye, bye, no, no.

    • Bozo said, on September 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm

      And bye, bye shutout.

  21. Flavor said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    We’re playing with some house money right now. I’m ok with us losing tonight to keep the Haad pic up another day—not saying I’m rooting for it, just that I’d be ok with it.
    Yamid Haad…..Who owns a Yamid Haad jersey and then proceeds to wear it proudly to every Giants game. That’s fucking epic………

    • Bozo said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm

      Yup, agreed on the Haad jersey. Each letter cost extra bucks, I’m still kicking myself in the ass for my Krikow jersey (long story).

  22. Bozo said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    Craw is looking awesome.

  23. James said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    As much as I’m lovin’ Hector’s game calling tonight, the real insider can see that Willing Rosario is a fucking genius. Timmy is probably resentful he has to throw to Hector.

    Sorry, Zumie, I can’t help it! 🙂

  24. Alleykat said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Gotta Haad it to SanDawg,that is one impressive looking Giant jersey.How the hell did he come up with this guy and his stellar stat of 2-28 ? Must of been all about the career avg of .69!!!!
    Damm I don’t remember this dude at all,and it was only 7yrs.ago.

    • Flavor said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:28 pm

      I remembered him and when I met Diggity he just turned around and displayed the back of his jersey and I started laughing loudly……
      Speaking of Edd and fantasy baseball, he currently has a 3.5 pt league in our fantasy contest. He’s literally drawing away from the field—except he’s going backwards because that’s how they run races over there. I’m telling you, I’m making no sense at all tonight, Katie is right……..

      • eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm

        The really amazing thing?
        1. He does it in his sleep
        2. He has never add_edd or drop_edd Mr. Jarrod Saltalamacchia
        3, There is a God
        4. Katie is still right

  25. James said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Two Angels, one bad end.

  26. eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    It seems I ruffled Satan with my amazing thing #3 and he is messing with this inning.
    2 interference calls followed by 2 bobbled balls.
    Stop the insanity

  27. ewisco said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    i’m going to listen to the last of this in the horizontal position. ‘nite knuckleheads.

  28. Alleykat said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Posey sure is getting the “MVP” treatment tonight.2intentional walks,Tracy is such a puss.

  29. eddacker said, on September 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Does anyone know the history of the giants and the gnomes?

  30. TedSpe said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Angel Pagan.
    Deal with Satan

  31. Macdog said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:18 pm


  32. TedSpe said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    ballgame mofos!

  33. Macdog said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Haad ’em all the way.

  34. TedSpe said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Every victory, Flappers, every victory

  35. demp28 said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    7!!!!!! A picture of Kevin Mitchell or John Elway from his Stanford days?
    Timmy pitched his best game of the year, Marco with another 3 hits, Crawford with a brilliant one hop stop. It all adds up to Victory.

  36. zumiee said, on September 18, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    The Giants are efficiently grinding down that magic number. Taking the drama out of this thing, which is nice. (grin)

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