2012 World Series-Game One

Posted in Uncategorized by tedspe on October 24, 2012

First off, I suppose I need to apologize to Nipper. Because this will be long. When Big Flavor asked to take my place yesterday, 2 things came to mind. First, hey, it’s Big Flavor’s blog, I’m just an apostle. Who am I to argue? Second, for Big Flavor to even ask such a thing, it meant he had something special. And lo, it twas to be. Flavor’s post yesterday was poetic, magical, inspiring and in good English. So once again, I’m here to put a stop to that.

I asked Flav to allow me to post today for two distinct reasons. A) It’s the first day of the World Series and B) Mathematically, I may not have another chance to make a post while the Giants are still playing, still in the game for 2012. So this will be epically verbose, silly, odd and, in places, *blatantly* plagarized.

This is an oldie but goodie. In the Peanuts comic strip on Dec. 22, 1962, Charlie Brown and Linus were sitting on the sidewalk, chins in their hands sulking. For the first three panels, they just sit there silently when finally in the fourth panel Charlie Brown blurted out “Why couldn’t McCovey have hit the ball just three feet higher?” Then again on January 28, 1963 in the same setting Charlie Brown shouted out “Why couldn’t McCovey have hit the ball even two feet higher?”

Of course, the Giants have since put the issue to rest by sharing their 2010 World Series trophy with Willie Mac. And now, a mere two years later, they’re on their way seeking another. But they’re facing a team that swept the Mighty Yankees in four. A team with the best all out starting pitcher who can go on 3 days rest and still paint the corners with 98-99 fastballs. A team with the first Triple Crown winner since 1967, tops in almost all offensive categories including nose hairs. They’re playing against a manager who is a 3 time Manager of the Year and 2 time pennant winner both from both leagues and who won it all in 1997. A team with the guy who wrote “Purple Rain”. Wait…strike that–wrong Prince.

So, do the Giants have a chance?

Well, yeah. Of course they do. I mean the Tigers have a shaky bullpen and are error prone. But as fortunate as the Giants were in the playoffs, you can’t *count* on other’s mistakes. Nope, if the Giants don’t bring it, it *will* get scary. But there’s another little strategy they could use. It’s a strategy they’ve been using throughout these playoffs but this if they try it… with a bizarro world approach…Well, Hunter Pence. As Bruce Jenkins mentioned, he’s not even from this planet. His speeches have roused the Giants when their backs were against the wall. His words inspired, transposed and cleared heads. He was…The Voice.

And if I may be so bold, I have a suggestion for old Van Gogh Eyes. In this series, go undercover. Find a Tigers uniform and sneak into their dugout (wearing a Groucho mask of course. They’re not too bright). And recite in a deep, resonant, well modulated voice an ancient poem found in the basement of a Baltimore church. Its faux message of hope and salvation that cannot be more sinisterly implied. It is something certain to deflate even Prince Fielder’s exceptional girth and ego. A simple ode entitled Deteriorata. I may be paraphrasing from the original text but the message is clear no matter the indulgences. Ahem…

“GENTLEMEN! My fellow Tigers. My Tiger brethren, if you will. Hear me and hear me well. Embrace these words as they me be the last you shall hear until it is too late. Go placidly amid the noise and waste. And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself and heed well their advice even though they are assholes.

Know what to kiss…..and when!

Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that THREE………do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment and despite the changing fortunes of time there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you. That creep on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: The birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan. And let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time call 555-4311; Ask for “TedSpe”(wink wink) Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in St. Louis. Therefore, make peace with your god whatever you conceive him to be—hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP! You are a fluke Of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not The universe is laughing behind your back.”

I’m tellin’ ya’ll. If Pence can pull this off? That oughta do it. Them Detroitians are a superstitious bunch. They’ll be staring at their feet. Wondering how they ever–EVER– even deserved to be here in San Francisco. So, let loose the hounds, release the pigeons, unmask the muskrats and feed the feral cats at City College!!! WORLD SERIES, MY BABIES!!! GO GIANTS!!!!! 2012 WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!

(I’m Barack Obama and I approve this message)

313 comments

313 Responses

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WilcoJoe said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Unfuckingreal!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

PINCH ME . . . I AM IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Macdog said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Justin who? PABLOOOOOOOOOO 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

KNBR radio guys are in a happy dance mood, too
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Who said Pablo can carry a team on his back?

They was right!!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:16 pm

FUCK ALL YOU MEDIA ASSHOLES WHO PICKED DETROIT. POSEY KEEPS THE CONGA LINE GOING. OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I agree with Verlander:
“wow”
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Panda 2HR’s NOBODY FUCKS WITH ORANGE &BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm

WE SCORE WE WIN
we score we win
WE SCORE WE WIN
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

OMFG!!! When I saw Pagan’s ball hit 3rd base, I got that happy feeling. Cabrera’s face said it all – baseball gods are in da house!!!
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Fucking PANDA OWNS VERLANDER,2 BOMBS TONIGHT,A TRIPLE IN THE ALL STAR GAME,that was inches from being a GRANDSLAM…
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Hey Fister,Get use to the Giants fist pumping your ass tomorrow!!
- ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:27 pm
  
  Heh-heh-heh – his name is ‘Fister’!!!
  - eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:47 pm
    
    I like fister, he really gets in there.
    except against the Gmen of course
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:26 pm

dEEEEEfENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Did Joe Buck really just say “so much for your good luck” to Fister? If not, he should have!
Salty said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Pablo was heating up in the NLCS. Thought he might make amends for 2010. He and Zito both fucking making AMENDS!
ChiPower said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Okay…I had my DVR on pause….and was tracking behind. Just got caught up! WHOOT! Fuck Yeah.

Justin Who???
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Un-fucking-real. Wow.

I love that all the media fuckwads got hard-ons for the Tigers. Kinda like 2010 when everyone thought Tex-Ass would bury us. Fuck them…fuck them all!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Hilarious if Zito gets a hit off him.
- WilcoJoe said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm
  
  Good call Blade!
- blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm
  
  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . I CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Hard to type – laughing too much! Kuip just said it best “Are you kidding me?”

Go ZITS!!!!!
Macdog said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm

ZITOOOOOOOOOO!
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Hey Buck…How’s that mis-match look now you prick!!
Zito rakes Verlander for the ribby!!
- blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:42 pm
  
  Kat, I can’t wait to read and/or hear how the media is going to spin this . . . Same writers that work for Romney.
Salty said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:40 pm

This is now surreal
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Fuck Yeah!!!! Barry Zito getting a base knock and RBI off “The Best Pitcher in Baseball.” WHOOT!
twinfan1 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Delmon’s rep is legendary- that was as bad a throw as could be imagined.
- chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:44 pm
  
  That throw was fucking hilarious.
- eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm
  
  he is streaky as a hitter and hilarious as a fielder
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Verlander looks totally fucking befuddled!
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I just read Leyland’s lips in the visitor dugout:
“what the fuck is up with these Giants?”
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Buh-bye, ‘lander!
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Yo Justin – Buh Bye!
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm

LMAO Jean – great minds think alike!
- ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm
  
  Wow, that’s exactly what I thought when I saw your post…eerie!!!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Keep laughing imbecile (Verlander) . . . Can’t wait until we meet up with you again in this series. HA!
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:51 pm

BOO YEAH ZITO!
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

ZITS!!!!!
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

yeah, whata bummer, a shower and Verlander is out with Kate Upton
- chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm
  
  LMAO, Edd…’bout only thing he has going for him today.
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Right now, this moment in time – Zito is the ACE of the Giants. Wow! I’m dumbfounded.
- chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:54 pm
  
  Fucking unreal, huh Steve. Really…who would have thunk it??? Un-fucking-real!
  - blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:55 pm
    
    Truthfully Chi . . . Absolutely no one. They’d be lying otherwise. So happy for him . . . 🙂
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm

BZ with 64 pitches and looking good
twinfan1 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I forget the writer who said it but one of the keys for the Giants to win the series was to hit it to Young when the series was here- before they could DH him,
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:57 pm

This is just a crushing demoralizing whoop-assing for Detroit.They throw their best,we kill him,they may never recover from this.
Leyland up to 2 packs of cigs watching his team implode right now!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:57 pm

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Salty said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Record book for Pablo!
Macdog said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

PABLOOOOOOOOOO HAT TRICK!
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Kung Fu MotherFucking Panda! PandaMoneum!!!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

This shit NEVER GETS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WilcoJoe said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Unmotherfuckingbeliveable!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Almost forgot – as bad as Verlander was, their bullpen is EXPONENTIALLY worse.
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I heard it, I saw it and all I can say is : No Fucking Way!!!!! PANDA!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
WilcoJoe said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Whatever Paulie paid for his ticket, he certianly got his money’s worth.
Salty said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Does this qualify as a statement game?
- eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:03 pm
  
  Does ‘not in or yard!’ or ‘we came to play!’ qualify as a statement?
  - eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:04 pm
    
    sure, I type qualify correctly, but screw up our
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I am trying not to yell or clap too much or too loudly. It is 3am and I am dancing, happy wide awake and once again astounded by this team.
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm

3FuckingHR’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess he wants to wrap up MVP Honors Early!!
Let’s beat Reggie Jackson Panda!!
Im saying he gets 4 HR’s before this night is over and.make W/S history!!!!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I hope whomever is in charge of sprinkling the fairy dust on the Giants, still has some left over for 3 more games. Probably will need to make another run to Castro street. 😉
ewisco said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I’m so excited, I forgot what I was going to say.
- eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:05 pm
  
  I think it was: “drinks are on me”
ewisco said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:04 pm

New thought: how short is Zito’s leash?
twinfan1 said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:06 pm

He can hit.
Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:12 pm

It’s 6-0 you dumbfuck of course we’d take the save fly for an out
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:15 pm

White Shark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:18 pm
  
  Seriously, what are they feeding that fish?!?!
  - blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:19 pm
    
    No idea Jean, but excuse me for mixing metaphors – he has saved the Giants bacon with his fielding quite a few times in the playoffs.
Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Hmmmmm…… A second “fuck you” delivered by blanco to jeff fucking pussy Passan
- blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:18 pm
  
  Agree. No idea what Passan was talking about. Dummy.
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Zits – you did your job! WTG!!! They won’t be talking about what’s-his-face tomorrow!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Good job Barry. Let’s get out of this inning Tim . . .
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

wow, that was a short leash, and what a outing by BZ
- Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:25 pm
  
  You can say that again. Enormous. Again. Zito….
  - eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:30 pm
    
    what an outing by BZ?
    Standing O worthy!
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Ho Humm,another big time ketch for Blanco!
Great job by the Zenmaster,and fantastic standing ovation by the GREATEST FANS in Baseball,our beloved ORANGE& BLACK!!!!!!!!!!
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Right on, Timmeh!!!
blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Flav, I sent you an email . . . No hurry.
- eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm
  
  Flav you back home now?
Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Filthy Shit by Timmeh….
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Beat up Verlander
Giant’s rock the Tiger’s ace
True: we score we win
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:27 pm

tomorrow’s game?
Fister and the snot rocket
be there or be square
ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Okay, I cannot be the ONLY one here with the sense of humor of a nine year-old – seriously, doesn’t anybody else giggle when they hear ‘Fister’? Is it just me?

“Fister, huh? Is that who you are or what you do?”
- Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:35 pm
  
  Well, that might be more 40 year old-weirdo-loner-male humor. And if that’s the case I hope Pawlie is being careful sitting next to his scalper.
  - ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm
    
    Well….I’m over 40, definitely weird, loner (but not by choice)…not a male. Nope, I’m going with the Beavis & Butthead angle – makes me feel *slightly* better than your description.
- Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:42 pm
  
  I too get a kick out of his name Ferrett.It is pretty hilarious.Especially in the Castro I would presume…
twinfan1 said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:31 pm

It’s funny, really, We go up 5 and *then* these fucks start talikng about why we might have a chance in this series..
- blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:35 pm
  
  It is funny Twin. I can count 3 media types at ESPN that like the Giants – Caple, Bowden, and Greenberg. That’s it.
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Kuip reports:
Kate Upton is now dating Pablo Sandoval.
- Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm
  
  If he hits #4 who does he upgrade to????
- blade3colorado said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm
  
  lmao. Good one Ed.
- ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:40 pm
  
  Brilliant! I’m not sure, but Ed may have just won the internets!!!
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Timmy is looking like that guy from a couple of years ago…what was his name??? Something like “Big Time Timmy Jim”….
- Flavor said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm
  
  These 2 dumb fuck announcers have been exiting him since the 3rd batter he’s faced. Idiots
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Take me out to the ball game…
- ferrethead said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:41 pm
  
  I know – once again, great minds…
- eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:44 pm
  
  you have to admit, my man chipower, that was a manly voice.
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:42 pm

the only question is:
will panda get a pitch to hit?
- Alleykat said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:47 pm
  
  He doesnt need one edd.His strike zone is from his top of his helmet to his shoelaces,and tonight he’s in the “ZONE” so any pitch is his tonight!
eddacker said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:45 pm

three losers on Fox tonight:
Deeroid, ValVerde and Windows 8
lqtm
- Macdog said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:46 pm
  
  Don’t get forget the two in the TV booth.
Irish Kevin said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:46 pm

So who saw this coming?? I thought that if Zito did pitch lights out it would be a 2-1 or 1-2 game!! But I was way wrong, Zito did pitch lights out, but the Giants offense just exploded on Verlander. Nice one Giants hitters!
chipower9 said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Pa-GONE…with the afterburners on!
James said, on October 24, 2012 at 7:50 pm

If Pablo hit number 4 off Valverde, Jose would break down in tears.