A Place To Talk About Giants Baseball

My 2013 All Melk-Shake Team

Posted in Uncategorized by Flavor on June 11, 2013

I don’t know why, but I woke up wondering who’s on the juice this season. Canseco said 80% of the players were doing it back in his day. Since Selig *cleaned up* the sport I’ll say that 32.7% of the players are still taking PED’s. That’s a highly accurate number, I can’t share the formula I used to come up with it. Top secret shit.

Anyway, I thought I’d go through each position and give out my annual All Star Melk-Shake Awards for 2013. I used 4 scientifically proven metrics:

1) a player hitting or pitching at an unusually high level (for them) that can’t be explained by hitting a peak age

2) anyone who’s totally yoked out

3) my intuition

4) my discretion

So, to the Melk-Shake Awards:

First base: Chris Davis, Baltimore. This dude was a monster in the minors but never seemed to translate his power to the next level. Until last year when he blasted 33 bombs. He’s hit 20 (twenty!) so far this year and he definitely fits under category #2 (yoked out).

Second base: Marco Scutaro, SF Giants. I changed this one after reading some of your comments. He hit .339 after the all star break last year and he’s hitting .332 so far this year. At 37 years old he started doing this? He’d never hit .300 for a season before last year. As Melky proved, you don’t have to bang out bombs to be juiced up.

Shortstop: Johnny Peralta, Detroit. He hit .239 last year. He was a career .275 hitter in the minors. So naturally, he’s hitting .339 for the year.

Third base: Miggy Cabrera, Detroit. Melky, Miggy, same last name, too. Plus he plays right next to Peralta so that’s easy access to the goods….


Carlos Gonzalez, Colorado. Where did THESE splits come from? Car-Go is hitting .348 on the road and only .260 at home? Isn’t that the reverse of what he’s done in the past? Clearly Melk-Shake driven and he needs to start powering them down at home, too, if he wants to take a shot at NL MVP this year.

Carlos Gomez, Milwaukee: After nearly a decade of failed promises, Car-Gom had a break out year last year stealing 37 and hitting 19 bombs. The Melk-Shake tasted so good  he decided to keep drinking it in 2013. He’s hitting .322 (.260 last year).

Nelson Cruz, Texas: I needed a RF and Cruz is connected to the Biogenesis investigation plus he’s banged out 15 bombs already this year so he’s the big winner.

Catcher: Evan Gattis, Atlanta. He’s a total hacker who has burst on to the mlb scene in 2013 with 14 bombs in only 156 at bats.

Starting Pitcher: Bartolo Colon, Oakland. He’s been busted before and he’s always smiling, which means he’s brazen and he doesn’t give a shit. Plus, no one except Rick Reuschel is allowed to be that fat and that good. I’m smelling a 100 game suspension coming soon for “Two Slices” Colon…..

Closer: Jason Grilli, Pittsburgh. So after a dozen years of bouncing back and forth from the minors to the majors, at age 37 he leads the league in saves with 23? And he’s been absolutely dominant with 46 SO’s in 27.2 innings. He started drinking the Melk-Shake last year when he struck out 90 in 58.2 innings.

That’s it. Who’d I miss?

208 Responses

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  1. zumiee said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    The only nice thing about the broadcast is the cool camera shots of the stadium and surroundings. AT&T Park is #1, but Pittsburgh’s ballpark is a strong contender for #2.

  2. blade3colorado said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    Quiroz in for Posey, Kontos taking one for the team, Bochy essentially saying, “ya all come back tomorrow.” Later Flappers, I’m outta here . . .

  3. PawlieKokonuts said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    Fecking Pittsburgh. What is it with the Giants and games there? I wish the Bucs well. But not at our expense, fer feck’s sake.

  4. Macdog said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    Too bad Kontos didn’t do this when he first came into the game and get thrown out then.

  5. Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    So I’ll wait to see the Scoots hit-by. And clearly, it’s known to the Giants that it’s a bad break.
    But what was the context? Was he just coming in to get him off the plate?
    I do appreciate Kontos and his matter of fact attitude about all this. He did his job (whatever that was). I would have enjoyed watching how he would have defended himself at the mound.
    I still don’t understand why Kontos was so bent on hitting a Pirate and it better not be just cause Scoots got hit (and injured) unless they believe it was intentional

    • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:00 pm

      By “you”, I talking about K and K. Scooter was hit by a pitch not far off the plate, no way he was beeing thrown at.

  6. twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    You don’t give Kontos credit for hitting a guy below the belt when he just tried for a guy’s head. Marco wasn’t being thrown at. That was bush league by Kontos and whoever ordered it. It’s also STUPID. If Hurdle is into it he can pick his victim whenever he chooses. Hello ,Buster…

    • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:00 pm

      As I said, same as Dirrrrty? Actually dirrrrrty’s was much worse, as you saw

    • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:08 pm

      Absolutely, Jonathan’s was completely classsless and dangerous. Your post about Dirrrrty was after my post about Kontos. I couldn’t have known “as you said”.

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:12 pm

        Whatever, your first response was clear. My 6:56 was just about appreciating a player following orders and not faking it like he didn’t try to do it. The rest of my post speaks for itself.

      • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:17 pm

        So what’s your point, then? My post *was* clear- and throwing behind a guy is wrong whether he did it on his own or on orders. Three Dirrrrty references? Good job..

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:31 pm

        If it was on orders it’s not wrong. Especially since he didn’t hit him.
        The single sentence of me appreciating what Kontos did was for that. Maybe you should go read about what it means to be a teammate.
        The rest of my post clearly called into question what he actually did.
        Globally I disagree with the reason it was called in the first place (but happy he carried it out).
        After that, i started wondering if this was all on Kontos– just pissed off at the dumbfuck pitch and the bomb.
        If this was all GK then it’s the same as Dirrrrrrty’s pussy response and I think Kontos should be released

  7. Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Is it possible that Kontos just went bezerk, the same way Dirrrrrtty did in his final MLB appearance? Was he just pissed about giving up the bomb?
    Come on, he’s gotta be better than that type of bush league bullshit

  8. PawlieKokonuts said, on June 11, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Scutaro’s hand is broken?????

    • zumiee said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      I don’t think we’ve heard anything on that yet.

    • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      They haven’t announced it yet (that I’ve heard) but it must be bad unless Kontos just went “Dirrrrrty” on the Pirates and I suppose that possible. Players have known to go crazy now and again

    • Bozo said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      It looked like it got him pretty good (IMO). The Pirates announcers had just said that, with Marco’s stance, it just didn’t seem like he could hit something inside. Well it buzzed him and was rising as he tried to get away.

  9. Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    Fuckin Noonan. If ever there was a AAA batter who was over matched at this level, it’s him.
    As I said months ago, he’s a poor man’s Culberson

    • Bozo said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:18 pm

      Yeah, I was kind of hoping they would have called up Duvall from Richmond, just to get a look.

  10. Macdog said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Hurdle retaliated. Last month in a series vs. the Mets, Jordany Valdespin hit a no-doubter that he stood and admired before taking his time rounding the bases — all this late in a game the Mets were getting blown out. The next day, in another rout by the Pirates, Valdespin came up to pinch-hit and immediately was hit.

  11. Macdog said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    Beat guys just tweeted: Scutaro x-rays negative, no fracture.

    • zumiee said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      Thanks for the news!

    • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      Then it lends more credence to my theory that Kontos just went insane……

      • Macdog said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:36 pm

        However, they’re also saying he can’t straighten his pinkie, will see a specialist tomorrow, and won’t play tomorrow.

      • zumiee said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:42 pm

        Hmmm….that’s not so good.

      • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:46 pm

        If Kontos did it on his own, they should what the Bucs did with JSanchez- cut him as soon as his suspension is over..

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:59 pm

        well, Kontos is just a wee more important to the team than a guy like Dirrrrrty. But if he did make this game all about his emotions then fuck him, that’s not team play and I agree, release him and bring up Hembree or anyone else who wants to play a team game………..

  12. zumiee said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    Ha- Donnie can’t even get this Puig thing right. Now he’s batting him clean-up. So, Puig didn’t even bat in the first inning. Schumacker batting lead-off? Donnie’s not much of a SABR guy.

    • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:42 pm

      Actually, he has Puig right, but not Schumaker.
      “The old-school book says to put your big power bat here, probably a guy with a low batting average, who will hit the big multi-run homeruns.
      The Book says the #4 hitter comes to bat in the most important situations out of all nine spots, but is equal in importance to the #2 hole once you consider the #2 guy receives more plate appearances. The cleanup hitter is the best hitter on the team with power.
      That’s straight from one of the SABR masters, the awesome Tom Tango…

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:57 pm

        your batting order worth is tired. We’ve all read it, move on to something else.

      • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:23 pm

        If a guy is going to incorrectly say that a manager is batting a guy in the wrong spot, I will correct him.

      • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:28 pm

        Zumiie wanted to bring sabermetics into it. Not a good idea on his part..

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:36 pm

        You are arguing from a dipshit perspective. Any manager would laugh at the way saber metrics looks at batting order. Just the other day, LaRussa made a mockery of it on Knbr.
        If you’re married to the batting order thing, go for it. But don’t rag on the guys who think its nonsense. Send your emails about it to LaRussa (and others)

      • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:46 pm

        Z didn’t say it was nonsense., pal. He dissed Donnie for not NOT knowing the SABR way. The optimized LU is based on history- it’s not pulled out of a hat. “The cleanup hitter is the best hitter on the team with power.” You can’t POSSIBLY disagree with that.

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:57 pm

        As I said, take it up LaRussa. He thinks you’re FOS too on this topic. I bet he’s got a blog or an email that you could go hammer him on

      • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 9:27 pm

        LaRussa? That’s funny.
        Again: Z was dissing Donnie for NOT knowing the SABR LU- which is doubly funny, because neither does he..
        Again- just tell me if you disagree with this:”The cleanup hitter is the best hitter on the team with power.”
        If you disagree, who should hit there, IYO..

  13. twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Pagan not coming off the DL as planned, no surprise.there.. Despite no fracture, no way to tell yet how long Scooter may be out…
    Noonan’s back up for his defense and versatility in the infield.

  14. PawlieKokonuts said, on June 11, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    Noonan is a would-be Ryan Rohlinger-Frandsden. Meh. Team falling on some hard times, boys. Injuries. Everybody gets ’em. Let’s see what we’re made of. Win tomorrow and the next day and we look like sultans. Hell, I’d settle for wannabe caliph or rajah.

    • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      They’re still ok Kokonuts. Noonan sucks but he can fiddle around at 2nd. The biggest problem, at least with the O, is that Blanco and Torres should never be playing in the same LU together–the same outfield, fine. The same LU, no.
      This Pagan problem makes no sense me at all. He can’t hide a major injury, The MRI would see it. And yet the team prattled around with him, finally going DL and now he’s eligible to come off tomorrow but he’s been taken off baseball duties.
      What the fuck is going on?
      Nothing about how the Giants have handled this Pagan situation, at least from what we know, makes any sense.
      If he’s quit on the team, that wouldn’t surprise me since he’s another dude who got paid and drifted away to his big contract. I’m not saying that’s what’s happened, but it’s a possibility and another reason why we shouldn’t have paid this dude—and I said so last year……..
      How hard is Pagan trying to come back from this injury?
      Only he knows……….

      • SanDawg said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:30 pm

        I think you’re being a little hard on Crazy Horse. I agree he is a bit of head case that needs to be coddled, but quitting on the team cuz he got a fat contract? That’s not even on the radar for me. Hell, the guy was last seen busting his ass on one of the most exciting plays in SFG history.

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:42 pm

        I like Pagan, Diggity. And maybe my last post came off too strong on him. But I never thought he was in this for the long haul and he DID score 40 mil.
        And this delayed DL hammy thing has made zero sense from the start. Now he’s shut down again? Where was the urgency of the great injury after it happened? They said a couple of days.
        The truth night “lie” with Pagan, that’s all I’m saying. In happy to be wrong, too

  15. sportdude said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:31 pm


    I’m not posting as much as i once did…but wanted to send you a great big Thanks!!!!

    Almost 1000 times I’ve rec’d my Giant fix here in LA. Coincidence that we started winning rings when the you and the universe brought all these Giants fans together??? I think not!

    Here”s to the next 1000! All the best Mike

    • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:38 pm

      That dude, I really appreciate that you’ve stuck with this place, even if its been intermittent. You’ve been a fantastic contributor here…

      • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:53 pm

        I’m on my phone ignore my last few typos

  16. Noah Lowry said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    No need to worry. The Giants crack medical team will figure out whats wrong with Pagan and have him fixed up in no time.

    • Flavor said, on June 11, 2013 at 8:54 pm

      You were lucky to get hurt when you did

      • unca_chuck said, on June 11, 2013 at 10:09 pm

        Lucky enough to miss out on al those world series victories . . .

  17. Macdog said, on June 11, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    Sounds like there was a big-time brawl in the DBacks-Bums game, with McGwire and Matt Williams getting into it! Can’t wait to see the highlights.

  18. unca_chuck said, on June 11, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    Fuck. Missed a bunch of shit apparently. Flav, congrats on the 1,000th post. Hell of a job.

    Travel day for me, and way too much other stuff going on. Heat got smoked!! Ha ha! I thought the Dubs could take them, but they are showing some toughness and they obliterated the (injured) Grizz. But every time I say that the Heat is soft down low, they come out and kick ass, so I won’t say it. But I will say, fuck the Heat. SA is a classy team.

    So, did Timmy give up the runs or Kontos? Kontos has been hit or miss a lot, but they’ve leaned on his ass a ton since Casilla has been out. And even before that. Take the next 2 and all is cool.

    Beautiful day in Boise, BTW . . .

    • twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 10:39 pm

      Timmy had a couple bad breaks and some iffy defense but basically he sucked. However it was a tight contest between Timmy and George – Timmy gave up a two run single to the pitcher with Kontos countering with a 2 walk, 3 hit, 1 dinger 7th inning . I’d call it a draw..until George pulled away with a head seeker followed by a hip hit, drawing an ejection and 234 airline tickets to Fresno donated by Giants’ fans…

    • blade3colorado said, on June 12, 2013 at 6:31 am

      Damn right the Heat got smoked. They were pathetic last night. SA owns them right now.

  19. twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Misdiagnoses are hardly pecuilar to the Giants’ medical staff or baseball in general. Lowry and/or his advisors were idiots in not going to an independent physician(s) immediately. Damon Lapa, his agent, only consulted Andrews more than a year after surgery was performed on Lowry’s forearm for exertional compartment syndrome by Giants hand specialist Dr. Gordon Brody — and subsequently was rehabbed incorrectly according to Lapa. Andrews should been consulted before the surgery that resulted from a faulty diagnosis according to Lapa. It’s beyond comprehension that a sports agent, a presumably intelligent and educated man, would not seek a second and independent opinion before the initial surgery. Actually though, ball players have it pretty good- they don’t get limbs amputated in error, TJ surgery performed on the wrong arm, die from a common cold, etc, OH, YOU’RE A LUCKY MAN, Noah..

  20. unca_chuck said, on June 11, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    I was expecting this . . .

  21. twinfan1 said, on June 11, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Price performed his in the film . Did you see it? You should check it out. If I recall, Helen Mirren did a nude scene, she was a pretty hot woman back in the day. At 60 something, she still is an attractive woman.

  22. unca_chuck said, on June 11, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Haven’t seen the film, and I swear to God, I haven’t heard that song in over 40 years. Great stuff.

    Thanks for the run-down. Kontos is a local fave at our place cuz my wife found him his place in SF. Funny thing is, he came up last year when the first guy to get the place was Otero, then Edlefson, and finally Kontos. He stuck. Last year anyway.

  23. The Great Mephisto said, on June 12, 2013 at 5:46 am

    …of course, there is always this if either of those tunes aren’t your cup of tea:

    This might be the worst music video of all time, but Flav and I saw these clowns rock the Stick in ’89!!!

    • Flavor said, on June 12, 2013 at 7:17 am

      hahaha. I think most of the budget for this vid went into the cost of the hair products.

  24. chipower9 said, on June 12, 2013 at 8:00 am


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