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Posted in Uncategorized by Flavor on December 28, 2018

I read Pawlie’s tribute to his mother several times last night. It was simply beautiful. Sad, but beautiful. My dad is 83. I talked to him on Christmas, he sounds strong. But these words are a reminder that nobody and nothing lasts forever.

You can read the entire entry here:

https://thelaughorist.blogspot.com/2018/12/the-first-last-christmas.html

If you’re too lazy to click on the link just read this:

“Well, I’m going to go, Mom. Do you want me to take you to your room to lie down or do you want to stay out here?” “I’ll stay here.” I kissed her on the cheek and then again on the forehead. “I love you, Mom. Merry Christmas.” “Merry Christmas. Thanks for coming, for always coming.” “You’re welcome. Why wouldn’t I? Glad to do it.” Our eyes locked. I walked down the hall, but not before waving to her and she to me, as if we were in the departure lounge at a bus station or airport.

After the nap, I headed, solo, to Ethan’s house, at 5:20. I felt but tried to ignore a low-grade hum of loneliness, sadness, and dreaded what-if-ness, not about Mom but about me and my journey thus far and today in particular. I feared a low-grade hum turning into a full-blast bass note. Approaching my son’s house, I felt the evening darkness descend, the cold air blanket downward. This could be the last Christmas for any of us. Who are we to say? Who could be so cavalier or breezy to say otherwise? Sure, I’ll be the oldest there, but we know what can happen in the blink of an eye, rudely disrespectful of age or station. And if a year later, we were absent, any one of us, or more, we would give the world to have this back again, pay any price, sell our souls and honor, anything, just this one time.

The shimmering snow crystals in the frozen, star-specked moonlight on the lawns to the left of the sidewalk. The town’s bright holiday lights twinkling up ahead to the right. The patter of my footsteps. The strands of ice on the steps leading to the door. My hand on the railing. The barking dogs. The glass panes in the front door clouded over, frosty, from the condensation and warmth inside.”

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PK holding his mom’s hand on Christmas…..

Screenshot 2018-12-28 at 3.35.49 PM

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37 Responses

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  1. willedav said, on December 28, 2018 at 8:09 am

    very nicely done. This time of year there are always best of 2018 type stories, and of course reprise obits for all those no longer with us.
    Watching Godfather movie Christmas Day for umpteenth time, reminded of death of singer/actress Morgana King (who sang at the opening wedding reception scene) earlier this year, a New Yorker of Sicilian descent who played Don Corleone’s wife.

  2. gianthead said, on December 28, 2018 at 9:14 am

    Same wishes Pawlie…Xmas Day marked 2 months my own mother has been in that Santa Cruz hospital…but I am not heartfully eloquent as our Pawlie is…

    • unca_chuck said, on December 28, 2018 at 10:27 am

      Dominican?

      • gianthead said, on December 28, 2018 at 10:58 am

        Yeah Dominican Chuck. Apparently needs long-term rehab care and apparently no facilities in Santa Cruz nor San Jose…how can San Jose not have such long-term rehab facilities???

    • unca_chuck said, on December 28, 2018 at 1:37 pm

      We had a horrible experience there. My mom went in for shortness of breath (emphysema) and ended up getting the MRSA virus. a one-day stay turned into a month. Luckily medicare and medical paid for it as the bill was $325,000.

      PS. Fuck trump for messing with the ACA.

  3. unca_chuck said, on December 28, 2018 at 10:25 am

    Very nice Pawlie. It has been 10 years since my mom passed, and we still hang the Christmas stockings she knitted for me, my wife, and our kids every year. And I always feel that pang of missing her. I think my mom knitted my stocking in 1972!

  4. snarkk said, on December 28, 2018 at 10:40 am

    Best wishes out to you Pawlie, and your Mom….

  5. sandog said, on December 28, 2018 at 10:45 am

    That’s powerful stuff Pawlie—well done and I wish comfort and peace to your mom. I also appreciate the encouraging words you have given me while I deal with similar circumstances with my mom.

  6. gianthead said, on December 28, 2018 at 10:56 am

    A little Dubs talk…I think whatever happens win or lose this year and with Klay and obviously DeMarcus as free agents, ownership/mgmt will do everything possible to bring the team all back as a whole (DeMarcus being the bigger question mark) for one more year as they open the new arena.

    If they lose, then the existing team will have a chip on its shoulders to prove people wrong and try to go out as a championship team. If they win again, then it is a quest to get the 4th in a row and 5×6 in 2019. And 2019 will be the last year of Iggy and Livingston and Draymond a free agent.

    Iggy and Livingston especially seem to be vastly diminished in their skills this year. There are obviously signs of Klay’s and Draymond’s offensive games slipping. Question I have for the Flap, what are the odds ownership/mgmt make the cut-throat type of decisions of letting Klay walk (again, I think they extend him for a year but will he accept just a one-year deal as KD has done??? KD in my opinion knows his value in the league is just as high as ever but is Klay as confident???) and then letting Draymond go after 2019?

    In many ways, I think finding a way to sign DeMarcus long-term may be the most important decision facing the team. If you let Klay walk after 2019, KD is then the absolute must keep for next 5 years where he can only make max dollars from the Warriors. Thoughts???

    • Flavor said, on December 28, 2018 at 11:02 am

      Well let’s see what we get with Cousins, a big man coming off that type of major injury is a huge risk. I don’t think they need to get tied up long term with him even if he looks good this year. The Warriors are a coveted spot for any player—unless, of course, you are Pat McCaw who would rather gets a few extra min with the Cavs and lose all the time…..

      • snarkk said, on December 28, 2018 at 6:54 pm

        Cousins isn’t really a big rim protector type. He’s operated on the outside a lot.
        He may not fit the bill for an inside banger, which is what Dubs need right now.
        zum can probably speak better to what Cousins might bring…

  7. Bozo said, on December 28, 2018 at 11:44 am

    Hang in there, Pawlie and well said. 102? Man, that is amazing. Take care.

  8. Macdog said, on December 28, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    Pawlie, such a heartfelt and moving expression of love for your mom. Wishing comfort for you and your family in this tough time.

  9. Bozo said, on December 28, 2018 at 12:28 pm

    It appears SF is continuing to pick the low hanging fruit – The Giants have signed right-handed reliever Jamie Callahan to a minor league deal and invited him to Major League Spring Training, tweets USA Today’s Bob Nightengale.

    • alleykat69 said, on December 28, 2018 at 1:00 pm

      Yeah I saw that clown 🤡
      22 year old 6’2 230 lbs
      That’s all I got,Need are head flap scout Loo to give us any info..

      • djloo27 said, on December 28, 2018 at 3:00 pm

        I see he pitched some for the Mets in 2017, but I have no recollection of him.
        Looks like he was just a late season mop-up man…

      • Bozo said, on December 28, 2018 at 4:13 pm

        We might need one of them.

  10. unca_chuck said, on December 28, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    We missed out on Nelson Cruz. He almost hit his age in home runs (37) at age 38. Right handed power.

    Our entire OF next year won’t likely get half of that number put together.

  11. zumiee said, on December 28, 2018 at 1:52 pm

    Kings, down by 2 points, winning shot at the buzzer vs. the Lakers last night.

  12. unca_chuck said, on December 28, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    In contrast, KD failed in the same moment last night.

  13. snarkk said, on December 28, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    Cal lost to TCU in the now infamously bad Cheeze-It bowl the other day in Phoenix, played in Chase Field, home of the DBacks.
    I saw none of it, not even highlights.
    I dunno how many of the supposed 33K ticketed actually attended this debacle.
    Both teams somehow earned several million dollars, supposedly.
    I suppose the kids being treated well in some other town for a few days is some sort of reward for another month of practice.
    Supposedly, local charities get some money out of these things.
    Other than that, the cash and more practice for the schools, I fail to see much good in these lower Bowls.
    I don’t fault top draft picks one bit for bailing on these — I wouldn’t risk future millions for pap like this…

  14. pawliekokonuts said, on December 28, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    Forever and sincere thanks for the heartwarming comments yesterday and today — and thanks for the lead-in post, Magnus. Josephine Kocak died (I’m okay with that word) around 10:45 this morning. I was not in the room. She seemed very calm and peaceful when I left her last night. Man, seeing her body today?! Hey, something happens. Infinite difference between today and those last moments yesterday. I did not linger in the room today. She’s gone, somewhere, somehow. Or still here, Some way, somehow. Or both.

    • zumiee said, on December 28, 2018 at 3:54 pm

      Sorry for your loss, Pawlie.

  15. unca_chuck said, on December 28, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    Sorry to hear that, Pawlie. And yes, it is a vast difference that is evident in a matter of moments. Saying the body is merely a vessel is readily apparent when the light goes out.

  16. djloo27 said, on December 28, 2018 at 3:46 pm

    Condolences, Pawlie.
    She was lucky to have you…

    • pawliekokonuts said, on December 28, 2018 at 7:33 pm

      appreciate that, Loo

  17. Flavor said, on December 28, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    i love that her nails were done, that’s cute.

    • pawliekokonuts said, on December 28, 2018 at 7:37 pm

      the touching thing is that my 21yo daughter did Mom’s nails a week or so ago; a very sweet gesture, a gift; and someone had to get my mom dressed up and prettified on Christmas; one of her aides

  18. willedav said, on December 28, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    Ah that’s too bad Pawlie. glad you two got to see other again

  19. snarkk said, on December 28, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    Condolences to you, Pawlie.
    At 102, it’s time to celebrate and remember her long and hopefully fulfilled life…

  20. zumiee said, on December 28, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    The MLB Commissioner has been strangely quiet so far this off-season about rule changes. He was so gung-ho last year. Very strange.

  21. PaulinAsia Banh Bao said, on December 28, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    So sorry, Pawlie. Your entire piece was poignant and eye-misting, but the part that got me (still gets me) is the bit about your eyes meeting… and as you walk away, keep looking back… like, is this the last time? I felt that way every time I said bye to my Father when I visited. Even lingering in the final hugs to remember the feel of his stubble-scratch against my cheek. Now doing the same with my Mom every time I get back to see her. Minus the stubble-scratch, of course…. We never know when it will be the last time… all we can do is keep the moment. Old year out… new year coming soon. On we go.

    • pawliekokonuts said, on December 28, 2018 at 7:34 pm

      very well put

  22. PaulinAsia Banh Bao said, on December 28, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    MLB says Grandal turned down a 4-year $60m offer from the Mets, he wants 5 years $75m or some such. Point made about LA not wanting or needing him back because their farm system is so strong they have 4, not just 1 or 2, but 4 highly rated catching prospects within a couple years away. I guess that’s another hope from the Mighty Z, that he’s brought with him some ideas on how to get the farm prospering again. LA’s NL West leadership could go on for years if their minor leagues are so strong….

  23. mrsprtdude said, on December 28, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    So sorry for your loss Pawlie. The essay Craig posted was very nice. I just finished it, then started reading the posts for today and saw she passed. My mom passed in 2003. Dad is 83 now. Lives in a facility like your mom. We were all sick Xmas so we canceled on going to see my dad. Tomorrow isn’t promised, as you said, and I’ve been worried about missing seeing him. hang in there. You mom was lucky to have you..

  24. Irish Kevin said, on December 30, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    My mom just turned 93 in November, the hardest part is my mom has all of her mental facilities, she lives around the corner from me, I try to go see her a couple of days every week, I am still working so it is hard to go everyday. Pawlie it is so true, we all have an expiration date, hen that will be none of us knows, I feel like my moms body is going to go before her mind. My mom always tells me she does not want to be a burden. I tell her she took care of me when I was born, it is now time for me to take care of her. God bless all of you who take care of your parents.


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